CPR 2009

Husband and I took a CPR course here yesterday offered by the Red Cross. All chapters give it for free once a year. And if you’ve never taken such a course I highly recommend it. We did it about 15 years ago and things have changed quite a bit since then. Instead of five heart thrusts and two breaths, you do thirty to two.

The majority of folks taking it was up there in years, including the ones who volunteered to give it. Perhaps because we live in an area with a higher aged population. I hope it’s that, because it’s really the young folk who should be learning these skills for their children and all us old folk.



There were two sessions - one in the am one in the pm and two groups of about 18 in each. First you watch a seemingly ENDLESSLY BAD video. Endless because it wasn’t working right (or perhaps our dear leader was not savvy to the ways of DVD machines.) It seems whether it’s a DVD or home movie, the end results are always the same...gnashing of teeth. Being a professional actor also helped make the video experience excruciating. Watching industrials (as we call them in the trade) is almost as boring as acting in them. First, they’re horribly written, second they’re terribly directed and third they’re terribly acted. That don’t leave you with much entertainment value. However we’re not watching them to be entertained. I might venture to say that we might learn more if it WERE entertaining in the process but....

So we’ve got the requisite pc multicultural group on the film taking us through our paces. They describe what must be done AS they are doing it.

1. Check the surrounding area. Which makes sense. If you were to walk in and see a bunch of snakes eating someone you might run in the opposite direction.

2. Assuming all is safe and the guy ain’t lying in a puddle of water with an electrical cord dangling in it, you go over and assess the situation. Give him a good poking and shout “ARE YOU OK?” If he were OK he probably wouldn’t be lying there looking like he was dead, but ya never know!

3. Call for help - assuming you have a cell phone (which we never use) or maybe there’s someone nearby (like the rest of the world) that has one happily radiating into their ear. You would instruct them by saying loudly, “CALL 911! HE’S UNCONSCIOUS!” Why you have to add the “He’s unconscious” provider - who knows. I’m just explaining what we were seeing on the video.

4. Care. Put your ear up against the guy’s mouth (after you’ve tilted his head back to open his airway) and see if you can hear any breathing as you simultaneously look down at his chest to see if it’s moving up and down at all. Wait 10 seconds. Count them like this: one-one thousand, two-one thousand, three-one thousand. (I have a recollection of this same counting method when I was taking parachute lessons. One-one thousand, chute should open, two-one thousand, chute should open, three-one thousand, something wrong, four one-thousand, look up to determine what’s wrong..., five - one thousand - oh oh....but that’s another story.) I’m thinking this guy could have been lying here for 10 minutes and I’m supposed to wait another TEN SECONDS? Ten seconds can be one heck of a long time. Especially when you’re dropping through space or on your way to dying. Which are probably both one and same. But whaddo I know. If he seems dead, he probably is, but you carry on nonetheless.

You then get out your trusty CPR mask and put it over his mouth. Or your trusty mouth barrier against any and all diseases. Yeah, right. By the time you’ve fished it out of your pocket (should you actually HAVE one) opened it, inserted it into his mouth - probably another 60 seconds have gone by. If you’re a woman and have it in our purse, the guy will probably be long gone by the time you fish it out between the lip gloss, hand desanitizer, rat comb, mascara, candy bar and calorie counter.

So, you’ve got the mask on and you’ve tilted his head back. Now pinch his nose closed and give him two breaths lasting about a second each. If you’re too forceful with your breath or do it too long, the air may go into his stomach. And if THAT occurs he’ll probably throw up. NOT a pleasant prospect to then put your mouth back on his (assuming you don’t have the necessary mask/barrier). As I’m sure one of my fellow actors discovered when I ‘d had a bit too many martinis the night before a matinee and did not do well. Turning upstage and actually barfing as unobtrusively as possible into my purse. He was playing my fiancee’ and had to KISS me shortly thereafter. But that’s another story too....

If the breaths you are putting out don’t go in, i.e. you don’t see the chest rise (my CPR doll did not have that capacity, some do), you check to see why not. Could it be that their false teeth have been knocked halfway down their throat? Or perhaps they’ve inhaled an apple and it’s stuck in their craw. A cannibal spear through the throat maybe? Whatever the obstruction, remove it and try again. Assuming air now goes in....

Give 30 quick heart thrusts in 18 seconds. That’s at a count of “one and two and three and four.” Or about two per second. It’s ok if in the panic of the moment you lost count. The guy’s probably way dead, so it won’t matter much. Chances of a revival using this technique are slim. But hey - ya never know, right? And how grateful would you feel if you actually managed to jump start somebody. And how rotten when it doesn’t work.

So you continue giving 30 pumps to 2 breaths until either help arrives or exhaustion occurs. Or the guy starts breathing. HA! Fat chance. And that’s why it’s real important to call 911 so help is on it’s way. ‘Cause you’ll be so exhausted after about five minutes of this you’ll be about ready for CPR yourself!


We also learned the Heimlich Maneuver, which they can no longer call the Heinlich Maneuver because his estate apparently now CHARGES money every time the name is mentioned. I don’t know, but if I were Mr. Heimlich, I’d prefer that the technique I created to save lives had my name on it - even if it were for FREE!

THE SADDLEBACK

August 7, 2011

So I’m out there happily weeding in front of the house. I say happily because it rained yesterday and the ground was pliable. Not like a clay ROCK baking in the sun, which it usually is. Clay soil in the sun is just like molding clay in a kiln. It’s HARD. And since every day is 90 degrees and a million particles of humidity, breaking through sun-baked clay is not a whole lot of fun. But today it was. Until I encountered a new friend. Actually, this guy was definitely NOT a friend.

I’ve got one glove on and one glove off. If you’re weeding tricky small areas between plants you really need an unarmed hand. It requires the delicacy of fingers unencumbered. Oddly enough, that wasn’t the hand that got into trouble. So I’m weeding along and I suddenly feel a burning sensation on the back of my gloved hand. I figure - well, I’ve gotten pricked by ...whatever. Probably the Barberry shrub nearby. I ignore it and continue on. Then I get another prick. Only this time I think, “Ah, ok, it’s a bee. Kinda feels like a bee sting now that I've experienced it TWICE. Where is it coming from? I look under an iris leaf because that was the only thing nearby that could possibly have been the culprit.

Aha! What is THIS creature? It’s a very small caterpillar with many colors and hairs. Mmmmmm, this is not a good thing. I know most dangerous critters are very flamboyant and give you as much warning as possible. And he is definitely FLAMBOYANT. But HE was under a leaf. Flamboyancy hidden is NOT FAIR! So I tear off the leaf and put him in the bug jail (see another post long ago about the bug jail) and determine to look him up later. I figured he was one of kind and not around a lot.



I wondered how bad my reaction would be. I washed my hand with soap and water thoroughly and then wiped it with alcohol. And went back out to continue weeding. The sting (it was more like burning sensation, actually), lasted about an hour. I kept checking it periodically to make sure my skin wasn't falling off. Less skin reaction than a chigger or a mosquito bite, but hurt a LOT more. So I’m continuing the weeding in other areas and then go in back of the iris (the same iris where he had been hiding). And I’m hunkered down on all fours and my face is - well, in the weeds. And I suddenly feel another stinging sensation by my left eye. Only this time I recognized it right off the bat! Yes indeedy. And then I looked under another iris leaf and — well hello, there are TWO of those suckers hanging out there. Great. Before, I at least had on a glove to protect the back of my hand. This time - nothing. Just my face and the hairs.

I thought “YOU BUGGERS!” But I couldn’t kill them. They’re so beautiful. Truly. They are just amazingly unique. So I ripped off that part of the leaf and took it to the other side of the lawn and dumped it. At that point I took the time to go in and look him up on the wonderful, world wild web. Because he looked like he had a brown saddle on, I queried caterpillars with saddles and BINGO. There he was. A saddleback (aptly named, I’d say) caterpillar.

Sibine stimulea - oh yeah, he definitely stimulates the pain sensors in your skin, though he be very small. That paper clip is not a large one.



“Wikipedia: These caterpillars have a pair of fleshy "horns" at either end, and these, like much of the body, bear urticating hairs that secrete an irritating venom. Stings can be very painful. They can cause swelling, nausea, and leave a rash that can last for days. Individuals with sensitive skin are cautioned against coming into contact with them as the reaction can be more severe than the typical reaction.”

A couple of responders said take some scotch tape and put it over the wound and it will pluck off the little hairs. I did that by my eye (after wiping it off with alcohol too), and the pain didn’t last nearly as long. Live and learn. I then spent the next 30 minutes studying other centipedes and brown recluse spiders. These guys are definitely nasty, but nothing (from what I’ve studied) about the recluse. And I really don’t want to get bitten by one of them, and would have no hesitation whatsoever about killing one. They ain’t pretty like this guy.

A few days later I came upon the monster below. Now he was BIG - about 2 inches. And FAST. Fortunately I found him before he found me. You know, it's funny. I was talking to my uncle the other night and he said he saw a really interesting bug by his front door and thought of me! I was delighted! If my friends and family think of me every time they see a bug - well, there'll be a whole lot of thoughts coming my way. HA!